Learning · Reflections · resolutions · Uncategorized · Updates

Forgiveness Sets You Free

Today I thought I’d spend a few hours trying to catch up and write some blog posts (yay for a free Saturday!). Feeling a little uninspired, I thought I would head to the Greatness Journal I told you all about the other week.

Before you even get to recording how you are doing achieving your goals, this diary has a series of exercises to really work out what your focuses are and what has been holding you back.

The first is about writing down all the things that you feel guilty about, resent or regret in your life. Their theory is that by doing this you rid yourself of wasted energy so that you can use this to focus on actually achieving what will make you happy.

Mine was actually surprisingly short, but it still felt really good being able to articulate them on the page.

Alright: so confession time.

I’ve always felt some sort of slight ‘what if’ resentment for not being able to move around because I got married so young (I was 20). My husband does know this as it has been brought up in some sort of PMS crying fit (it happens!) before, but what I hadn’t really stopped and thought about for a long time is that I’m really not sure why I still think I feel like that. In actuality, I don’t think I do.

You see, if I had been able to move I would never have married my husband. Part of the reason I said yes in the first place was that I knew it was one of those moments in life I would always regret had I said ‘no’. As a result of staying in Dorset, I went to an amazing uni and met some amazing people in the jobs I’ve had since graduating. As a  result of staying and not having a hugely stressful ‘successful’ job I’ve been able to re-find my passion for knitting and writing – two huge parts of my life at the moment. As a result of staying in Dorset I now have my first child on the way, can spend loads of quality time with my family and have some amazing friends. In all honesty, I’m not sure what my ‘what if’ scenario could have actually given me.

My husband’s a pretty good bonus too 🙂 (He does read my blogs – I’m pretty sure to see if I’ve spoken about him – so hi!). But I honestly don’t know how the alternative could have panned out better than the current chain of events. So I’m actually seriously giving my younger self a pat on the back for saying yes – after asking if he was joking…. I still can’t believe I actually said that…

The only other thing that does cause some harbored annoyance is that I spent 3 years studying for a degree in Forensic Science and then didn’t get a job in it – part of the issue being I couldn’t move and so this does partly tie in to the ‘what if’ scenario discussed above.

What I hadn’t really properly considered before is that this degree wasn’t actually a waste of time. Because of all the extras and clubs and people I met while I was a uni I became a person who can succeed in the environment that I’m in now. I have the confidence and motivation to put myself ‘out-there’. Because of the person I grow up to be while I was studying at uni I have had the opportunity to get involved in some really exciting things through work.

In addition, I currently have a job that doesn’t really feel like work. Don’t get me wrong, I do treat it seriously, but I enjoy it to the point that I don’t get that ‘OMG it’s Monday already’ feeling. Although, that’s a bit of an exception at the moment because I’m 7 1/2 months pregnant and all I honestly want to do is sleep! But I’m still enjoying it once I’m actually in.

The degree also inspired in me the passion and motivation to follow my dreams and goals. I still need to work on organizing myself better to actually follow through on some of them, but hopefully this diary will help bring my that focus that I seriously need from somewhere! I certainly didn’t have the ability to do that before my degree – I got pushed through my GCSE’s and floundered through my A-levels. Then I learnt to self motivate and focus in Uni and got a First Class Degree – so I can do stuff when I focus and get myself organised. I think I partly just need to get some structure back into my life again… Apparently babies need routines? Hopefully my stuff can fit in there somewhere…

So, in conclusion, I don’t really have anything that really need forgiving. I just had niggling negative thoughts that have taken up far to much space in my head and actually don’t mean anything. The ‘What if’ scenarios don’t deserve the gravitas my subconscious seems to give them. I’m actually really lucky with the life I have. I have an amazing husand, a baby on the way, a house I love, a job I really enjoy, amazing friends and a close knit family. I have time for my knitting and my writing – following my passions is something that really helps keep me grounded and sane I think.

In all seriousness, I seriously do think this exercise works. I definitely feel better for being able to articulate this all on a page. Sometimes you don’t realize how much ‘negative energy’ can have a real effect on your outlook on life and how you live it.

If you had to forgive something in your life what would you forgive?

Baby brain signing off

MrsKirstyHoll

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